Who Sees You and Whom Do You See? - The Way of Phi in Practice -

What Happens to You When You Allow Me to See You?

Dear friends,

People in high positions, I have been told, typically feel seen all the time.

I don't believe that's true.

It might seem that way, with so many eyes turned towards you, and with countless people analysing your behaviour often in public media.

But there is a difference between being watched and being seen. 

There is also a difference between being seen and feeling seen, but let's leave that for another day.

"BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU" is a famous quote from George Orwell's dystopian novel Nineteen Eighty-four.

Yes, watching.

But seeing?

Probably not.

Because seeing implies something more than merely watching.

Seeing implies depth.

Seeing means going beyond face value.

And perhaps even more vitally, seeing requires vulnerability.

To actually see someone entails connecting both with ourselves and the other.

Like in the movie Avatar, where the expression "I See You" holds a sacred resonance: It’s not just a glance, but a moment of mutual recognition, a spiritual acknowledgment of shared being.  

To see it is not enough to be a spectator, which only lends itself to watching.

Seeing means recognising something in the other which is also in me.

To see, empathy is required.

And the deeper we wish to see, the more of these qualities need to be present.

Just because someone is in the limelight, in various media, and gets a lot of attention doesn't mean that any of those qualities are actually there.

Rather, more often than not, it seems that people are projecting on famous or influential individuals. Not seeing them, but rather witnessing different aspects of themselves reflected. These can be positive traits, as in when idolising the other, thinking that somehow the other will be a "saviour". Or they can be negative traits, seeing the other as a despicable person, whom we can blame and use as a scapegoat. 

In either situation, there is typically not a nuanced view. 

And in any case it is not really about the other person. It is about me.

In Jungian terms, both admiration and blame are often projections of the disowned self.

And behind the projections there is a deeper longing to see and to be seen.

So fundamental, this need, yet also rare to have it fulfilled.

So many people longing to be seen.

"See me, see me, see me" we seem to scream at each other.

And often we scream in silence.

For if I look at you and only see myself reflected, am I really seeing you?

I think not.

Coming back to the initial statement, I think that people in high positions typically do NOT feel seen all the time simply because they aren't.

Seeing is about going beyond myself.

In the movie The Truman Show, the protagonist played by Jim Carrey is living inside a dome which is fully curated for his experience as the "star" of a reality show which everyone but he knows is a show.

This is an apt metaphor for a solipsist state of awareness, a state in which only I exist and everyone else is a character in my life. In such a state, everyone is watching me. And as the behaviour of everyone else keeps reinforcing this belief, it is difficult to break free.

However, seeing is also impossible. 

For as much as one tries to see, all that is reflected is the inside of the dome, in one way or another.

Therefore, it is not until one goes beyond the dome that seeing becomes available.

There, in the realm beyond, where things are not curated, people are stars in their own shows.

There, others are not props but peers.Seeing becomes possible because otherness becomes real.

- Have you seen your dome? 

- Once it wasn't there... have you been outside of it since it was created?

For when at least one of us is outside the dome, even if only temporarily, then, and only then, can actual seeing begin.

I am convinced that we all need to be seen. 

There is so much healing and connection that happens in that space.

And I have felt just how visceral this longing to be seen can get.

So, who Sees You and Whom Do You See?

- What would change if you allowed yourself to be seen?

- Who would you have to become in order to see?

With gratitude, 

Christopher