Relaxing into the Void - The Way of Phi in Practice -

Surrendering the struggle – Giving way to acceptance – Relaxing into peacefulness – The void holds us – no matter what – if we let it

Dear friend,

A couple of weeks ago, I posted about going through the darkness again. If I consider my life from a certain perspective, there has been much more darkness than light.

And still, the light has been there all along.

Even when I couldn't see it.

Like stars shining in the night.

I can choose where to direct my attention. 

I watched the movie Cast Away last night and felt a strong sense of recognition. Kind of a modern Robinson Crusoe about a person crashing on a deserted island in the Pacific Ocean. With one enormous difference: He is alone. 

To get a handle on this predicament, he starts relating to an inanimate object as a person, talking to it, reasoning with it, "hearing" it talking back to him. And that might very well be what saves him from going completely insane.

But fundamentally, he is alone. And that was the thing that most touched me.

For, while I have had support by various psychologists, therapists, priests, teachers... it has felt like "my journey", like "my shadow work", like "my struggle"... This time, however, something is different.

For even if the journey is that of an individual, I feel supported by friends and family on a different level. It's not that they haven't been there before, and I am not blaming anyone, but I haven't felt them.

I haven't been capable of receiving much of the support that has been offered. Intellectually, yes, but emotionally I have been walled up.

And now this has shifted. Little by little, I am opening up to receive. Feeling it. Bliss.

Relaxing into the Void

The darkness is there all around me. And there is light.

Not only light. Not only darkness. Not a blend of the two.

Both complete darkness and complete light.

At the same time.

Imagine the surface of the ocean:

Beneath, water

Above, air

Breathing, my head needs to be above the surface

Swimming, my body needs to be beneath the surface

Do you know the serenity prayer?

God, 

Give me the the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things that I can and

Wisdom to know the difference

And it turns out that what I can control is close to nothing. 

Really, the one thing that I feel I can control to any extent is where I put my attention. 

So, I'm relaxing into letting go of as much as possible. 

Giving attention to my breathing and to the sensations in my body.

I keep doing things, but surrender the outcome as that does not lie in my hands.  Believing otherwise would be self-delusion. 

But I have to keep doing my work, my practice... and then surrendering the result. Releasing it. Sending it with love. As an offering.

From my limited perspective, I am at the center of the universe. Indeed, I am the center of my universe. As you are of yours. Quite literally.

Problems arise if I start to behave as if I am at the center of your universe as well. Or as if you are at the center of mine.

When people in love fall into the latter, sooner or later they are bound to fall into the former. Back and forth the pendulum swings.

First, I have to claim my territory. But then, what if I can allow you to be you?

First, you have to claim your territory. And then, can you allow me to be me?

Only then, can our relationship become that which it is meant to be.

Not an extension of me – or you – but something that is bigger than either of us.

By relaxing into the Void, I start liberating myself.

By liberating myself, I support your liberation.

It's insane, really, how much we cling to that which is not.

And through it all, the alluring promise is there.

What the fairy tales were whispering.

The happily ever after isn't what you thought – it's what you felt all along.

The light never went out, you just closed your eyes for a while.

When you are ready to wake up, I await you here. Click here to be received.

With gratitude, 

Christopher