...and Other Times - The Way of Phi in Practice -
Dear friend,
Not so long ago, I wrote about how a compromise sometimes means either saying 'yes' or 'no', with no middle ground. Then there are other times when compromise is all about meeting somewhere in the middle, making amendments and being flexible.
That doesn't mean that both parties involved necessarily have to do the same thing to make things work. More often than not, it's about being receptive enough to take in various perspectives, both internal and external, and to arrive at a state that could colloquially and somewhat misleadingly be referred to as 'giving and receiving'.
A more apt description could be 'standing firm or letting go, whichever is most appropriate to each part of a given situation', but admittedly that is a mouthful. The key word in this definition is 'appropriate', for without a thorough understanding and felt knowledge of this, there is a very real risk that the ego takes over the show.
– How do you arrive at certitude with regard to your course of action when faced with a conflict with another person?
– Do you rely on reasoning, logical arguments and thereby try to convince the other (as well as yourself) of what best to do?
– Or do you trust your 'gut feeling', the instinctive 'knowing', the 'nose'?
– Perhaps you are more emotional and listen to your heart, to guide you to what is 'right' to do?
– Maybe you sleep on the matter and allow the answers to arise from the subconscious?
– Or you might be someone who prefers to move the body, e.g. go for a run, and then notice how the solution presents itself?
Personally, I employ all of the above from time to time, although I tend to rely less and less on the strictly intellectual reasoning (this wasn't the case in the past) and lean toward more non-rational ways to find clarity. Or, more precisely, a process that involves both the rational and the non-rational, both the intuitive and the logical.
Like the other day when I had booked a business meeting with someone whom I'd never met before. On my way to the meeting, I reminded myself not to jump the gun, but rather take a few beats to discover if this person is someone that I like and want to engage with. Shouldn't that be the case, then: case closed. The auspicious rapport that ensued bodes well for fortuitous future developments. We shall see.
Coming back to compromises... during this meeting there were several times when I noticed thoughts arising that could have derailed the whole thing, but rather than acting on every whim, I allowed things to flow, returning to the main current of the river, which steadily carried us forward at an agreeable pace. The navigation that took place on my part involved making countless micro-adjustments, which might not even be perceptible on the outside. Like when driving a car – or riding a bike. Since we've done it so many times, we often don't even notice it, but without it a crash is imminent.
And thus I find myself in the dance of compromises these days. Mostly leaning into trusting the process, the flow, and bringing as much as possible of myself into every moment. Simultaneously, I am being attentive to the moment, the surroundings, the other person – noticing subtle cues and paying attention to what is going on – and adapting as I see fit.
– What is going on right now?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Still here,
Christopher
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